She participated in his version of reality until she couldn’t anymore. If you see these behaviors in yourself or a loved one, then it’s necessary to reach out for support. From 9 am to 4 pm in our La Salle, Ottawa, Canton and Macomb locations you can walk in with no appointment necessary. If you or someone you know needs mental health or substance use support, we are here to help.
Enabling on its own isn’t codependency, but it can be a sign of codependency. Enabling helps create an environment where codependency can flourish. If you’re in a codependent relationship, you may feel resentful toward and manipulated by the other person but feel you need them to continue life as you know it. Enabling and codependency are both undesirable traits in a relationship.
Putting a stop to codependency and enabling isn’t an easy or quick process. If their offers for help are turned down, it can cause distress and resentment. Sometimes, the person receiving extra support starts demanding even more from the codependent person. Enabling is when a person offers assistance to a loved one that, rather than helping, actually reinforces an issue or unhealthy behavior. Getting help from therapy or support groups can also be very helpful. Healing codependency is a process, not something that happens in a few days or weeks.
Protecting a Loved One from the Consequences of Addiction
- Your resentments will build until you unleash your wrath directly or passive-aggressively.
- Let’s take an example of a married couple in which the husband is addicted to opioids.
- She feels responsible for Tom’s happiness and well-being, often at the expense of her own.
Mental illness can exacerbate these behaviors, contributing to a dependency dynamic where one partner relies on the other for emotional, financial, or physical support due to their limitations. These behaviors create a cycle that can harm even the strongest relationships. The aim enabling vs codependency is to change these bad habits with actions that help everyone. This means setting boundaries, taking care of your mental health, and being more independent and self-reliant. Did you know nearly 50% of Americans have faced addiction in their families? This shows how widespread the issue is, often leading to destructive relationships.
Enablement
Or they may have decided that their drinking or drug use “is what it is” and are unwilling to change. When your loved one realizes their alcohol or drug use is considered problematic, they may ask or expect you to keep it secret so that their addiction can remain undisturbed. Or you might feel tempted to keep secrets in order to keep the peace. Even when you know this intellectually, it can be agonizingly painful to accept it emotionally. You have complete control over your own behavior and choices.
She believes that by helping him, she can prove her worthiness and gain his love and appreciation. The relationship between codependency and narcissism is another fascinating area of study. These two patterns often form a toxic dance, with the codependent’s need to be needed complementing the narcissist’s need for admiration and control. Codependency is like a chameleon, adapting and morphing to fit the contours of each unique relationship it infiltrates. At its heart, it’s a pattern of behavior where one person excessively relies on another for approval and a sense of identity.
- Breaking these patterns may require professional help, and most definitely will require behavioral changes that include setting and respecting each other’s boundaries.
- An alcoholic husband has a tendency to drink every day and causes havoc in the house.
- They may have a desire to feel needed, or a fear of abandonment, or they may feel validated by rescuing other people.
Find Support at SoberMind Recovery
When we accept the responsibilities of those who are struggling with addiction and need to achieve recovery, we are halting their progress. If codependency were a destination, the road to recovery would be less like a straight highway and more like a winding mountain path. It’s a journey that requires patience, courage, and often a good guide or two. If codependency had a twin separated at birth, it might be Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD). These two conditions are like peas in a dysfunctional pod, sharing many similarities but with some crucial differences. Learn everything you can about the disease of addiction, and the effect of substances on the brain.
It’s true that most codependents are kind and generous to a fault. Although stepping in to rescue another person doesn’t help, you don’t want to turn your back on a person who is struggling. You can help by encouraging your loved one to seek treatment, and by supporting healthier choices. During this long and worthwhile process, seek out support from friends or trusted counselors. Reach out to a therapist or family support group for help, especially if you’re codependent on or enabling someone with SUD.
Codependency and Enabling Behavior
An important part of understanding codependent relationships is also understanding the role of the enabler. You may wonder why a person would put up with such unhealthy and maladaptive behaviors from someone else. Yet for the enabler in the relationship, they are often getting a secondary gain from the dynamics in the relationship. A secondary gain is typically an unmet emotional need that is being facilitated by the codependent dynamics of the relationship. Recovery programs should offer clients the tools to recognize codependent behaviors and improve relationship dynamics with all the important people in their lives.
Codependence can come from love, but it can also be a form of control over someone else. People who are codependent place the needs of others before their own. Caring for others is a positive trait, but within the context of substance addiction, it can be dangerously unhealthy. Let’s go back to our example of the opioid-addicted husband and his wife. His health and his quality of life begin to deteriorate, and he’s spending most of his time feeling high and not really participating in life with his wife. When she wants to go out or visit friends, he is more interested is getting high, and he doesn’t enjoy being around people.
This makes the relationship bad for both people’s mental health. Whether you are struggling with an addiction disorder or you love someone who is, recovery is possible. SoberMind Recovery offers LGBTQ sober living and dual-diagnosis treatment in Los Angeles, as well as support for those trying to end codependent habits. Learning to recognize their own feelings and improving communication skills is also essential. Because so many codependent people feel their only value comes from taking care of others, they must also learn to value themselves in new ways. A codependent parent might work an extra job to supply their addicted child with money for drugs or to make sure their child’s rent gets paid every month.
By not establishing healthy boundaries and expectations, one person often ends up giving far more than they receive in the relationship. In a codependent relationship, you can enable a loved one by explaining away all of their choices and behaviors. When we transition away from codependency and enabling, we can help our loved one realize the severity of their addiction, and guide them toward treatment and hopefully into recovery. Don’t be deceived that your friend or family member is completely helpless, and don’t feel guilty that you’re not helping enough. There’s a good chance that he can manage things on his own, but denial and manipulation go hand-in-hand with substance abuse.
Many people come to recognize their codependent tendencies through self-reflection, often triggered by relationship difficulties or personal crises. This self-awareness can be both a blessing and a curse – it’s the first step towards change, but it can also be a painful realization. This intricate tango of needs, fears, and misplaced devotion forms the core of what we’ve come to know as codependency disorder. It’s a term that’s been tossed around in self-help circles and therapy sessions for decades, yet its true nature remains as complex and elusive as the relationships it describes.
Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
While there may be tough moments where you feel like you’re abandoning your loved one, not enabling is better for them — and you. Codependency occurs frequently within a relationship where one person may need a higher level of support than the other. For example, a parent with bipolar disorder, a child, or a partner experiencing SUD might not take on half of the household responsibilities, leaving the other person to pick up the slack. If you love someone who’s experiencing substance use disorder (SUD) or living with achallenging condition, you know that it can be difficult to watch them go through it.
